ANDERS MAGE PAGE 2.0

Editor's Note: Somewhere in the mid 1990s a Virtual Adept uses IRC chat to talk to a potential recruit.

Welcome to Crystal Palace ALLNet IRC server, DemenShun.

There are currently 6049 Lamers online, 1000 invisible, on 100 servers.
There are currently 247 Awakened online, 247 invisible, on 15 servers.
There are currently 23 Adepts online, on 5 servers.

There are 263 servers connected, and 3 unknown connections.

<NOTIFY> Dante has signed on.

Scanning database... VAdept DemenShun (127.31.33.7) found. Initiating Web mode. Welcome to the Digital Web, Lemur! Enter your password or die, and stuff.

Enter Password: ***** ***** ******** **** ** *** *********

Password Accepted. Welcome to the Crystal Palace.

*PDA* You have one memo. Type '/msg PDA memo #' to read memos, or '/msg PDA help' if you are clueless.

*PDA* Memo from X-Cel:
Remember that favor you owe me for warning you about the mirrorshades last week? Well, I'm sending you someone who needs a little of your special spacial touch ;-) Be gentle...the council has it's eyes on this one. I told him to meet you in #VA31337 in an hour. Hugs and Kisses, and all that garbage :9

You have joined #VA31337.

<ACTION> DemenShun sets mode on channel #VA31337 to topic, no messages, invite only, secret, encrypted.

<ACTION> DemenShun activates DWPortal on channel #VA31337

<ACTION> DemenShun sets topic on #VA31337 to Spatial Relativism 101

Now inviting GnuBee to #VA31337.

<JOIN> GnuBee has joined #VA31337.

<DemenShun> Welcome to the channel, newbie.

<GnuBee> Thanks, good to be here. (It's GnuBee, btw)

<DemenShun> Is it?

<NICK> GnuBee is now known as Newbie

<NICK> Newbie is now known as SuchANewbie

<SuchANewbie> Hey!

<NICK> SuchANewbie is now known as GnuBee

<DemenShun> First lesson, never trifle with the elite, kid. Unless you know what you're doing, you're gonna get roasted.

<GnuBee> But...

<DemenShun> No buts. I owe X-Cel a favor, so I'll teach you, but step out of line and all bets are off. Got it?

<GnuBee> yes, sorry.
<ACTION> GnuBee looks properly chastened.

<DemenShun> OK, let's try it again from the top. Welcome to the channel, newbie.

<GnuBee> Thanks, glad to be here.
<ACTION> GnuBee smiles hopefully...

<DemenShun> Much better. OK, that seems like a good place to begin... Where is "here"?

<GnuBee> In channel pound VA31337?

<DemenShun> heh, i love it so when newbies try to speak elite (or worse, 31337-speek). It's "channel number VA31337", kid.

Editor's Note: 31337 is "eleet" which is "elite".

<GnuBee> 31337-speek?

<DemenShun> Like this: 'r u m or f? I have s0me h07 31337 w4r3z 4 u...' Those of us who spend lots of time here find this rather annoying. But i digress..."here" is #VA31337?

<GnuBee> um yeah

<DemenShun> But where is that?

<GnuBee> well it's...umm
<ACTION> GnuBee thinks... GnuBee 's brain starts to smolder.
<GnuBee> Inside the computer network?

<DemenShun> where inside?

<GnuBee> um... hmmm

<DemenShun> Look, kid, I don't have all day. Let me make it easier (I hope). What is the direction from you to me?

<ACTION> GnuBee looks puzzled...
<GnuBee> Well, where are you?

<DemenShun> I'm right here, kid

<GnuBee> No, I mean WHERE.

<DemenShun> HERE. In #VA31337.

<GnuBee> But... oh. hmm. ok, so you want me to figure out where you are?

<DemenShun> Um, no, not quite kid. Kibo, this one's gonna be harder than I expected.

<ACTION> GnuBee looks around for someone named Kibo.

<DemenShun> Don't tell me you don't know....oh just nevermind. Look, think about this for a few seconds while I move to another server.

<GnuBee> aha! the channel is located at the server!

<DemenShun> Um. No. Ok, I am on a certain server, and you are on a different server. If the channel was on a server, which server would it be?

<GnuBee> hmm... yours, because you made the channel

<DemenShun> Well at least he isn't totally stupid. Actually no, think about it... If the channel existed on my server, how would YOU be here? If I left the channel, would it cease to exist, or would it move to your server, or what?

<GnuBee> Well, I'm connected to your server, soo... hmm, are you saying that the channel exists on BOTH servers?

<DemenShun> I am saying that, and more... What's the direction from you to me?

<ACTION> GnuBee smiles...
<GnuBee> The same as the direction to your server ;-)

<DemenShun> Don't be a wise-ass, kid. I'll wager that you can't tell me exactly WHICH direction that is, can you?

<GnuBee> sorry :( No, I can't, because you won't tell me where YOU are!

<DemenShun> THINK dammit! I'm not doing this for my own mental health you know. Can you truly say that I exist? I mean you are talking to me, but who am I? WHAT am I? Could I not be a program running on your computer that has fooled you into thinking you were talking to a person? Where would I be then?

<GnuBee> In... my computer?

<DemenShun> and what does that mean?

<GnuBee> Ah, so you are telling me that it doesn't MATTER where you are, because in the net there IS no place.

<DemenShun> I think he may be getting it...

<GnuBee> And since it doesn't matter where I am in the net, I can get to any OTHER "place" easily, since they all exist at the same spot, i.e. in the wires and circuits and microwave beams of the network.

<DemenShun> welllll....I wouldn't go that far...but then static reality is a job for another person. Suffice to say, yes, space in the net is an illusion. The same applies for people on the telephone as well, if you see what I mean.

<GnuBee> DemenShun?

<DemenShun> yeah, kid?

<GnuBee> My head is hurting

<DemenShun> I expected as much.

<GnuBee> No, I mean REAL bad

<DemenShun> I know kid. It's normal at about this point. Now, to continue...

<GnuBee> WHAT??!!

<DemenShun> Chill out, kid, your head will be fine in the morning. but there's a little bit more ground to cover.

<ACTION> GnuBee isn't sure he can learn anymore

<DemenShun> It gets easier from here on in kid, trust me
<ACTION> DemenShun smiles charmingly

<ACTION> GnuBee fails to be impressed, being more concerned with his head preparing to explode.

<DemenShun> Quit whining kid, do you want to learn this or not?

<GnuBee> Ok, Ok *grumble, grumble*

<DemenShun> Now, since place is an illusion in the net, tell me where you are.

<GnuBee> In #VA31337

<DemenShun> No, I mean bodily.

<GnuBee> Oh, I'm in Illinois.

<DemenShun> No, I mean WHERE are you?

<GnuBee> Oh! I'm at home.

<DemenShun> Yes, but WHERE at home?

<GnuBee> In my room? OWWW! MY HEAD!

<DemenShun> WHERE IN YOUR ROOM?

<GnuBee> AT MY COMPUTER!

<DemenShun> WHERE IS THAT?

<GnuBee> WHAT??

<DemenShun> WHERE IS YOUR COMPUTER?

<GnuBee> ARRRR..MY..MY COMPUTER IS IN ILLINOIS..I MEAN ON MY DESK.

<DemenShun> WHERE ARE YOU?

<GnuBee> WHAT?

<DemenShun> _WHERE_ ARE YOU??

<GnuBee> CAN'T THINK...WHERE?...WHAT?..WHERE IS WHAT?

<DemenShun> WHERE.....ARE......YOU?

<GnuBee> MY ROOMIMEAN MY HOUSE I meAn OWW my HEEADDDD OWWW!!!!WHERRE BUT PLaceE IS an ILUSSHUNEARTH, NO WAITHEY< HOW AM I TYPING this, WITHOUt HandDsPLACE net ARGH!!!
<SIGNOFF> GnuBee has left IRC. (I am Everywhere).

<DemenShun> hehe. that's GOTTA hurt!

>PDA< compose x-cel OK, he's awake. Now we're even. How's about a date next friday? -DemenShun, Master of Correspondence
*PDA* Memo to x-cel sent.

Now Leaving IRC...have a nice day.

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